7th grade. I was a nerd. The type that sat in the back of the class and didn't really talk to anyone. I was basically the observer. I had my share of friends but never could gain as many as the populars could. I wasn't the prettiest girl or the smartest girl, and I didn't focus on boys as much as I do now. Sometimes.. I wish I could go back to that girl, and that time. Everything was cool before "the boy," lets call him Jay, walked into my language arts class. He was the new guy of 7th grade.
We were paired up for an assignment by my super strict teacher. I was actually pretty happy that she paired me up with the cutest boy in class. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all.
Anyways, I remember working on the assignment with him. He was SO sweet! I gave up on using my crappy pencil so during that time I asked him if he had a pencil. He ended up giving me his pen. "Umm, a pencil?" I said. He blushed. " Oh, right." he said. He dug in his drawstring bag and handed me one.
After we finished the assignment he offered to move the desk back for me, and I thanked him.
So maybe that wasn't a big deal to you, but I guess it was the start of it all. The start of me liking him.
He had the kindest eyes, yet so mysterious. They were big and brown. And his hair.. was a swishy dark chocolate brown. He was perfect. Or so I thought..
2 months later he had gotten a girlfriend. She wasn't the greatest girl ever, and I'm not speaking in jealousy. She didn't even like him! She broke up with him within a few weeks for no particular reason. I remember hating both of them, but I got over it. It was clear that the only reason he dated her was because she was one of the most popular girls in the grade.. and that's how he got to the top. He slowly started making his way to the "cool" lunch table, ditching his old,geeky friends.
A while later, me and him were the talk of the team. Everyone had found out that I had liked Jay, and he even knew it too. He never did say if he didn't like me back, but I guess I got the signal that he didn't. I made the effort of trying to start something with him, but all I did was get hate for it. Sitting by him at lunch? Probably the biggest mistake. We were teased.. ALOT. But occasionally I would get glances from him.. or stares.. like he was trying to figure me out.
But then again, even if he did like me, why in the world would a popular date a NON-popular?
8th grade. I changed for the better. I do miss the old me, but some parts of the old me I don't miss at all .I walked into school confident. A whole new look, a whole new attitude. A whole new girl.
Some heads were turned, but there was only one person I still wanted. Jay. But why? Why would I want a guy who said I was ugly back in the summer? Why would I still want a guy who played mind games, and hurt my feelings? I had no clue.
Gym class. the only class I had with him this year in 8th grade. The first day I had gym with him was the first day I passed him, not even making eye contact, and his head had turned to look at me. I wonder if he was thinking the same thing everyone else was. I didn't even recognize myself anymore.
I used to be the girl who always wore her hair in a ponytail and didn't really care about makeup. I had grown my soft brown hair out during the summer, and became known for my light glimmered blue eyeshadow I wore. I wasn't aiming to be a popular, stuck up girl, or get tons of guys. I was aiming for a new look, and to feel more confident about myself, and I guess i had worked.
A few weeks later, after thinking that I didn't like him anymore, he was told that I still liked him through a friend, and he believed it. He didn't really react to it, though.
It really surprised me because in gym, all he does it stare at me. Especially ever since he sprained his ankle and sits up in front of the whole gym. He spots me out of the whole crowd. Every time I look hes already looking at me! One time he even smiled at me. But the thing is, why would he do this, especially when he says that I'm annoying and he hates me. He acted as if he didn't even know who I was.
And to be truthful, I'm the exact opposite of annoying, and we don't even talk to eachother.
So that's why I started to slowly give up, because it wasn't going to go anywhere with Jay. I felt like we really had something, you know? But no guy deserves a girl if hes going to say that about her.. even if he was lying.
He was a football jock that had me fooled. He was nice.. before he was carried away by the popular witches. Why would I want a boy that cares about what other people think?
Love is such a hoax. In the end, you realize you were deceived by that person. You were deceived BADLY. Its a game, a very risky one at that. A game that you never want to play.
-Hal
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